One of the hardest parts of trying to lose weight, if not THE hardest, is changing my thinking. I'm not quite sure how or when it happened, but I feel like I've become the Funny Fat Girl. I was always clever (I'm not being boastful, I just was). But in the past few years, I've noticed a lot more self-deprecating comments flying out of my mouth unbidden. I joke about someone not liking me cuz I'm fat. I'll joke about being too big to do something. It's not even a conscious thing. I don't sit there and think "Put people at ease about your size by making a joke of it."
I read an article on Huffington Post the other day, and it really stuck with me. The gist of it is that thinner people can be all about empowering women on issues of body image, but a fat woman can't do the same thing.
And I'm now realizing how damaging those words can be. Yes, I'm fat. In fact, a doctor so kindly let me know that clinically speaking I'm morbidly obese. Isn't that a lovely adverb-adjective combo? Who wants to be called that?
Anyway...I'm resolving to stop doing that. I'd like to be kinder to myself. I'd like to forgive myself for letting things get to out of control. I'd like to recognize my beauty while striving to be even MORE beautiful. I'd like to get to the point where I don't really mention my weight at all in conversation unless someone else brings it up.
Tomorrow is the beginning.
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